The #1 Dating Mistake You Must Stop Right Now

Between my workshops, networking and events I regularly attend, it’s not uncommon to run into past clients and students when I’m out and about in my city. One such occasion happened recently when I went for a nightcap after a gala event with my gal pal, Lauren.

Lauren is hot. Petite, long dark hair and VERY witty. With her looks and open personality she easily attracts the attention of men wherever she goes. On this particular night, we ended up running into one of my past students "Richard".

Richard pulled me aside and begged me for an introduction. Always wanting to serve my students wherever I go, I gave him clear instructions on how to get a date with her, explaining Lauren is a very special woman – a real queen – she knows how to appreciate a man and also receive attention well.

I left them to work it out confident he would walk away with her number. I was wrong. Richard ignored what I recommended and committed the ultimate dating mistake – he asked her out for coffee. Eeeks!

You may be wondering what the big deal is about coffee as a first date. If you are, then you need to pay extra attention to what I’m about to share.

Why is coffee as a first date a mistake?

For men, you don’t realize how much effort women put into a date. Whether it’s dinner at the Ritz or coffee, we pluck, wax, scrub and book in a manicure and pedicure. We get our hair done, buy a new outfit, read a section in a self-help dating book all in preparation for the Big Night. This will also continue for at least 4 months of a new relationship.

With the amount of expense, effort and time women put into a date – how do you imagine it feels to a woman when the only effort you put into it is showing up and spending $2? Going out for coffee is something you do with your guy buddies NOT with a woman you want to make a great first impression with. This is the fastest way to turn a quality, confident woman like Lauren off. Why? Because you’re sending the message she’s only worth $2 to you.

For women, accepting his offer of coffee is where you’re making your mistake. Think about it, this is the easiest, cheapest method for a man to get to know you. By accepting this offer, you’ve just lowered the bar way down on your worth and value.

Now, you may be saying "But Kim, I want to ease into it and not commit to a whole evening". Ok, I got it! My point here is it takes just as long to consume one glass of wine/beverage as it does one hot coffee. Why not ease into knowing someone AND do it in a setting fit for the Queen you are?

Hot Tips for You

Women:

Make a commitment to stop accepting coffee dates from men now and going forward. How can you do this? If you’ve been reading my articles for awhile, I’ve mentioned several times how easy it is to steer a man in the direction you want him to go. Next time a man invites you for coffee, simply suggest something else (in a fun and light way!) You can view a quick video I did about this on my Facebook Fan page here.

Men:

Obviously, stop suggesting coffee dates AND get creative. Knowing what you do now about the time and effort every woman puts into "pre-date prep", start getting your creative juices flowing. It doesn’t have to be wine, a lovely sunset stroll along the marina or visit to an art gallery are wonderful alternatives and show you’re putting in more effort and value spending time with her – even if it doesn’t go anywhere.

For both men and women, you want to check in and see why your intention is to spend as little time as possible with this person before you even know them. Are there red flags you’re ignoring? Do you have hidden fears you haven’t dealt with? Are you truly ready to be dating?

Everyone is a little nervous on a first date because it’s likely the most vulnerable and exposed you will need to be that day (or year!) – so it’s to be expected. However, there’s a difference between first date jitters and deeper issues you’re ignoring and playing out by deciding ahead of time to spend as little time as possible with this person.