How to Read a Woman's Signals

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Published: 18th January 2011
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Many men complain that women are sending them mixed messages all the time. In this article, find out how to read some of the obvious signals a woman gives off so you'll know how to proceed AND succeed!

I was in the middle of writing this week's article and suddenly got a phone call that completely derailed what I was going to talk to you about this week. I thought it would be beneficial to write while the experience was fresh in my mind and it's a situation that so many women have found themselves in.

Last January I met a young guy at a party and went on a date with him. Because of his age - 13 years younger - I already knew this wasn't going to be anything serious. We had one date and then he left the country to start a job in another part of the world. That was that - so I thought.

About a month later he looked me up on my Facebook page and sent a 'friend request' which I ignored because I didn't want to pursue anything further. Last week, obviously back in town, this man called me 6 times in 3 days and when I didn't return his calls proceeded to email me.

Which brings us to today when he called from a phone with an obscure area code and I picked up.

As soon as he revealed who it was - which he didn't do right away - my stomach sank. My mind was racing with how to extricate myself from this person who was clearly not paying attention to the message I was sending. I felt 'tricked' because he used a number that I wouldn't recognize which only added to the awkward position it put me in. I mumbled an excuse that I "had my attention on other things right now" and we said our goodbye's.

Of course as a relationship coach, I knew there were a million other ways I could have handled it differently. But in the moment, I was responding as any other woman would.

It would be easy to blame youth on his naive persistence but I've unfortunately experienced this with men in all age groups. When a man pursues a woman and the attention is wanted from her, there's no better feeling in the world. When it's not wanted, it is the hugest turnoff.

I know there are men out there who have been in a similar situation where it's the woman who is pursuing. But from what I've observed, it happens far more frequently to women and there's a reason for that.

It's in a man's DNA to hunt and pursue - they love the thrill of the chase and enjoy the challenge of winning a woman over. That's all well and good but the problem begins when men become so consumed with the end goal that they start missing all the signals a woman is giving that are indicating she's not interested.

I don't know about you, but when I like someone - no matter how jammed my schedule is - that persons a priority. Feeling attraction to someone is such a juicy feeling why would I want to cut off its source? You can bet your bippy that I'm returning those calls and emails and creating room in my life to spend time with that person.

If a woman is interested in a man she will:

- Return phone calls within 48 hours
- Have excitement in her voice when she hears from him
- Ask questions about him and take an interest in his life

If you're a man that's having anything other than that kind of experience with a woman then she is NOT interested. Period.

So why don't women just tell a man they're not interested? 2 simple reasons:

1) Women are afraid to say no to a man. It's uncomfortable to say "I'm not interested" to someone. It feels rude and a woman would rather expend TWICE as much energy avoiding him and screening his calls then have to tell him that.
2) Women feel if they're nice to a man and tell him they just want to be friends, he'll keep trying to make it into something more than what she wants anyway.

I know it's not a great feeling when you like someone more than they like you. It doesn't mean that you're some kind of wrong person; you're just not the right person for them.

If the object of your affection is not making an effort to stay in touch with you, then take it as a CLEAR sign to move on. You never know who might be just around the corner DYING to have your attention!

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