How to Communicate During an Upset

The one thing I am continually pointing out to my clients and students are the vast differences between men and women. I’m always amazed at the shock and disbelief women express once they realize how much simpler men are compared to women.



Men really only operate on one switch, compared to women who are buzzing on 16 different tracks all at the same time.



This creates a challenge for men when they’re trying to listen and communicate with women. Most of the time women are living 10 feet outside of their bodies and spinning 3 conversations in the air at the same time and can’t understand why they don’t feel "heard" by men.



When a woman’s out of her body and talking a mile a minute, it can be frightening to a man. Men don’t know what to do when a cacophony of words come flying out of a woman’s mouth - all they know is it’s not fun and can feel a little abrasive.



Women have a zillion things going on in their head about everything under the sun and can’t believe that men don’t have more on their mind than they do. Women are always asking what a man is thinking because they assume there’s as much going on between his ears as her.



Honestly, men aren’t thinking about much more than what’s right in front of them. They’re thinking about work, pizza, the next football game etc... NOT things like: "I wonder if she’s being quiet because she’s mad at me for that thing I did 20 years ago?"



While women absolutely thrive on this random continual buzz men on the other hand thrive when everything is calm and steady state. If a woman has been in the company of a man for a few days and experiences too much "steady state", her battery will get worn down and she’ll feel the need to stir things up a bit.



Have you ever been on a vacation with your partner only to find you’re in worse shape by the time it’s over? If there haven’t been any other women around to connect with, it can get pretty dull for a woman and she’ll start to feel the need to create some excitement (often in the form of an argument) as a way to feel the "buzz" again.



The next time you feel a storm brewing, follow my tips below to help you get back on track.



TIP FOR WOMEN

The first sign your battery is running low is when you start picking on your guy for no apparent reason. Once this starts to happen, follow this 3 step process:



1. Take a DEEP BREATH. This will bring you back into your body

2. Ask yourself what you need. It might be as simple as "I need a hug".

3. Once you know, tell your guy. This way he will know exactly how to fix it and won’t feel attacked



TIP FOR MEN

If the woman in front of you is upset, look her straight in the eye and ask her "Is there anything you need from me?" This question will get her back in the ground again and she’ll appreciate having attention put on her.



Your second option is to simply get her in the company of another woman – even if it’s just on the phone. Connecting with another woman is a great way for her to experience all those different tracks and fill up her battery again.