2 Tips For Better Communication

Ah, communication. This has to be the single biggest source of conflict between the sexes that I encounter on a daily basis in my coaching practice and workshops. Women want more of it, men want less of it.

So how can we create a happy medium?

Well, to start, it's important to understand that women communicate to establish relationships. When women communicate with each other they're doing it as a way to bond and show that they care about each other. When two women friends haven't spoken in a few weeks or years, the very first thing they do is apologize for not staying in touch. This is also why women get hurt when a man doesn't call the next day after a date. In a woman's world it's just bad manners to not communicate!

Men communicate to share information, not to establish relationships. Men are hardwired for efficiency and it doesn't make any sense in their world to say more than what's needed to be said. Men are bottom line orientated and use their words to get to the point of what they're saying as quickly as possible. They also don't talk as much because there just isn't that much going on inside a man's mind compared to women. Women's minds are often buzzing on 16 different tracks all at the same time - observe a group of women talking and you can see how this shows up.

When a man isn't talking, it can feel like a deafening silence to a woman. She'll often assume something MUST be wrong and will start asking questions to get a 'feel' for what is REALLY going on with a guy. The truth is, there really isn't anything 'going on'. More than likely a man will be thinking about his carburetor, the mortgage or how he's going to create his next big business deal.

Years ago, when I discovered this difference about men and women it was such a huge relief! So many times I'd be on a date and as soon as there was a lull in the conversation I'd start to get an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. Panic would set in and I immediately felt the need to fill the space with words. You can imagine the silly things that would fly out of my mouth when you're coming from fear and panic!

2 TIPS FOR BETTER COMMUNICATION:

1) For guys, if you want to make women feel more comfortable, look for ways that you can add in words and embellish what your saying to a woman wherever possible. If you're sensing an uncomfortable silence and can't think of anything to say, start asking questions about her to get her talking. Making this small effort will win you huge points in a woman's world. Remember, women talk to show they care and by creating more conversation your showing that she matters.

2) For women, don't be frustrated by a man's silence. Try to understand that men have a simpler approach when it comes to communication and the fact that they use less words doesn't mean they don't care about you. Remember, men are bottom line orientated so the kind thing to do with men is to be as direct as possible. If you're asking a man to do something for you or you want him to listen, then just get to the point of what you're trying to say as quickly as possible.

Sending you lots of love and wishing you tremendous dating and relationship success!